This is a situation which I managed to get myself into through complete and total misunderstanding between myself and a hospital staff. While I find it humorous now, at the time it was very serious. I present it to you as an example of the situations that can arise when people just don't quite listen to what the other is saying. If it makes you think, good. If it makes you laugh, even better. Keep in mind that there are no embellishments to the story - it doesn't need them.
As a quick intro, this is a story about my arrival at a hospital, my loss of freedom, escape, capture, transfer, and subsequent release from imprisonment. All do to misunderstanding.
What lead up to and why I even went to the hospital:
In life we all deal with stress. At this particular point in time I had just lost a lover. She was very dear to me and when she died I felt empty, as though all light had vanished from the earth. A week earlier, an uncle with whom I was very close had also passed on. Mix these two incidents with a strong dose of poverty and we have a recipe for depression.
Living in a new town, I knew very few people and had no friends nearby with whom to share my grief. Like many people I had contacted a local counseling center and was coping well with my problems through the aid of a kind and understanding counselor. Unfortunately, she had just left on vacation and I did not feel comfortable with her proxy.
My counselor had been gone about a week and life had been rather unpleasant for me, it was after hours so the counseling center was closed. What to do when you need someone to talk to? In my wisdom (or lack thereof) I headed to a nearby hospital figuring that I could talk talk to their psychologist, and just alleviate a bit of the depression. When I assumed that the local hospital would be of help I was sadly mistaken....
As I walked into the hospital I was greeted with a smile and the phrase "Can I help you?". Being a polite young man, I explained to her that what I needed was to talk to one of their psychologists for a few minutes, but that it wasn't really important. I was lead into a room and invited to have a seat to wait. Perhaps I should have noticed the carpeting on the walls, but my mind was not on my surroundings.
After only a few minutes (another clue that I should have left immediately) a nurse came in carrying a clipboard. She sat down and asked me a few questions. "Name? Address? What did you need?", these I answered unassuming of what was to transpire. "Are you on any medications? Blah, blah (you know the routine).", these I answered as well. Next came the question I should have ducked, but didn't see the harm in. "Have you ever considered suicide?", once again I was honest. My response, "Um, yeah. I guess, but...". She didn't even wait for me to finish, she stood up then promptly left the room. When I heard the bolt on the door slide into place I realized that all was not kosher here.
What was probably only an hour felt like a year. I heard the bolt side and the door open, two large men asked for my shoelaces and my belt (BTW, I wear boots now). Upon getting these "implements of destruction" from me they stepped back and a doctor walked in. He announced that since I had no insurance, they were shipping me to a state mental hospital and that the state would determine just how long I would be there. Terror doesn't even begin to describe the effect those words have on a person. At that, the doctor and orderlies turned about and left. I was now alert and well aware of my surroundings. My awareness, now heightened by abject terror, noticed the sound - or more appropriately the lack of a sound. There was no "clunk" of the bolt being slid back into place.
Allow me to digress for a moment to expound upon something that only a person gripped by total fear can truly understand. Everything takes on a slightly surreal atmosphere, adrenaline and the "fight or flight syndrome" are something that cannot be described - only experienced. It is in this state that a mere mortal can do some incredible feats, tales of strength, valor, cunning - none these happened to me. What did happen to me in this now slightly warped state of being was thus:
With eyes wide, I tested the door. Gently I pushed, it open just a crack and down the hall I could see nurse chatting. A quick scan of the surroundings (mind you that I was still half crazed with fear) told me that if I acted fast I could escape this place. With a burst of speed I have never felt before or since, I darted through the door and down the hall.
As soon as the door opened, I was spotted and with a shout they were after me. We have all seen nature documentaries of the little rabbit trying desperately to outrun the wolf, call me Peter Cottontail. Running through an unfamiliar building is difficult enough; add to that equation the fact that my shoes, now freed from the binding aspects of laces, had left me at the first turn. Undaunted by the lack of footwear and urged on by fear and rapidly gaining hospital staff, I sped through several corridors. At each turn I grabbed the railing that was mounted to the wall and proceeded to "slingshot" myself into the next corridor at truly mind-boggling speed. Just as one of my pursuers would be almost upon me I would make another detour.
Up ahead, I could see salvation. Salvation at this time was little more than a red exit sign. Through the doors I flew and into the nice new construction that we call "remodeling". I have found that barrier horses are very similar to hurdles, the only difference being that when running for your life you can leap two barriers at a time. It was at this point that they had fired up the security van and were attempting to close in on me. Perhaps my memory is a bit distorted from fear and adrenaline, but I seem to recall outpacing the van for quite a distance.
Like any lunatic trying to outrun a van, I ran out of steam before the vehicle did. I turned rapidly and sped into a nearby field. Did I mention that it was around 10-11 pm and winter was just beginning to lessen its grip upon the land? Being very dark, my pursuers carried flashlights which lit my way very nicely as I attempted to elude them, but alas, they were far enough back that their lights did not show the creek that I now found myself in. Exhausted, terrified, and half frozen they finally caught me - almost a half mile from the hospital (not too shabby for a smoker).
Upon my return to the cell they had chosen for me they remembered to lock the door. There I waited for an eternity - about 30 minutes. Next, the door was opened and a paramedic came in with a stretcher. I remember a nurse telling the paramedic to "Strap him in tight! He's a runner." The paramedic looked at me, smiled and asked me if I had any clue as to what the hell was going on. My response was to cry like a baby and keep repeating "No, I don't know". He then explained to me that since, and I will use his words, "These morons didn't even tell you what this is about?". My response was to nod an affirmative. He the explained that by law they could not release me because I had (errantly) stated suicidal behavior. It was his job to ferry me to the state hospital, who would in all likelihood, release me with their apologies. I took a quick liking to this paramedic, he didn't seem to like the hospital staff and he at least acted like he cared about what happened to me. So I calmly went with him to the ambulance and from there to the state hospital.
I waited there at the state hospital for several hours before the staff finally called me in. During the interim I was entertained by a variety of people telling me how I could get on social security if I just followed their advice. Once in a staff office, a lady took down my name and various other bits of info. She seemed very calm and well educated, I felt comfortable with her. We chatted about a variety of topics and she promptly apologized for the other hospital's negligence and I was released.
The rest of this has little to do with my little adventure, but it's stuff nonetheless:
I did receive a bill from the first hospital.
I never paid said bill.
I never dealt with said hospital again.
At the state hospital we even talked about sexuality.
I never learn and answered honestly.
All she asked was, "Does it bother you?"
When I said no, she declared, "Then its not a problem."
Moral of the story: If you are ever in a situation like this, run faster and farther than I did. :)
by Tache